


Hell on Earth

by feeling_diom



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dark, Death, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Heaven & Hell, Heaven vs Hell, Heavy Angst, Humor, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religion, Religious Conflict, Romance, Teen Romance, Trauma, can these two disasters even be called soulmates, or are they saltmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-05-20 22:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feeling_diom/pseuds/feeling_diom
Summary: This is the THIRD TIME now I'm changing tags and the name of this shit.Basically, this is an AU of some of my characters. I MIGHT make a sequel describing their adventures in their first life, buutttttt.....----Do you like angst? Do you like a slow burn romance? Are you sick and tired of the "best friend" in a love triangle be brushed aside for an Edgy Bad Boy who the protagonist barely knows? Well, you're in luck! This is for you!Warnings include: Graphic descriptions of violence and nightmares





	1. So You've Accidentally Blown Up Your School

“Wait, so, you mean to tell me that you had the chance to  _actually_ skip class, but instead of doing that you went and  _studied_?” I gave a horrified look to Sam on our walk to the school. (There was something I needed to tell him about the school anyways, but it could wait. It would have to, we just left our houses. He could still very easily run away.)

 

      “Well, yeah, what else was I supposed to do?” He looked back over to me, his green eyes serious. I shrugged, beginning to list of the possibilities of what  _I_  would do if given that type of freedom. (Which, considering my epic fuckup, I most certainly had plenty of ‘that type of freedom,’ now didn’t I.) 

 

      “Um, take a break, sleep for forever, plan world dominance-” I was about to add ‘maybe blow up a school’ (But there was no ‘maybe’ about it. But he didn’t know that yet. This would be a fun conversation when I got around to it.)

 

      “Really? Again with that?” Sam groaned, shaking his head. “You can’t keep trying to overthrow the government. I mean, you haven’t done anything aside from talk about it, so that’s a plus.” (Oh, Sam. Oh, sweet, sweet, innocent Sam, who had no idea the shit I got myself into.)

 

      “I’m telling you, we just need to convince society capitalism is a sin, and we’re golden.” I rushed my words, slowing down my pace. We were walking too fast. I needed to draw this out as long as possible, or else I’d get my ass handed to me faster than expected. (Granted, I didn’t really have an expectation for how quickly I’d get my ass handed to, but it certainly wasn’t this fast. Stop and smell the roses, Sam. But please don’t smell the burning rubble.)

 

      “That’s not how that works.” Sam shook his head, sighing. I shrug, trying to seem as non-suspicious as possible. I didn’t know how to do that. I  _did,_ however, know an unnecessary amount of words in the English language and knew about two billion ways to combine them to confuse the everliving fuck out of my best friend. 

 

      “Of course it is,” I continued, “you just need to fill in the gaps and take into consideration that a worldwide depression is  _exactly_ what this society needs-” 

 

       (Or a bombed public school. Hopefully the bombed public school, because that was what we got. Heard jail was fun, I’m going to have to write Sam a postcard.)

 

      “I swear to God, we can’t do that. That’s not how that works. When was the last time you opened a history textbook?” He looked over at me, and I could have sworn to God (yes, Sam, I can swear to a man in the sky too. Look who’s special.) that he saw the procrastination in my eyes. Or smelled the scent of brutal fuckupery. (Is that a word?) 

 

      Or maybe he was just being Sam, and giving me his standard  _are you fucking serious_  look he mastered in the third grade. 

 

      “Not that long ago, actually,” I said, (you know, like a liar.) “On a completely unrelated note, how long ago was our last history class?” 

 

      “I swear to God.” He deadpanned, shaking his head and looking away. Me, an atheist, answered before I could stop myself:

 

      “You do that a lot. I don’t think He’s gonna answer you.” (Damn, definitely didn’t answer  _me._ I’ve been praying for the past ten minutes for the first time in my life, begging for some lightning to kill me dead before we got to what was left of the school. On the plus side, I surely couldn’t be going to Hell, because nobody was in the building when it went Mt. St. Helens on everybody. On the down side, I almost certainly was still going to Hell no matter how much I wanted otherwise, because of all my previous life’s accomplishments kicking me in the ass.Thanks, Karma, and here I thought you only existed in action and rom com movies.)

 

      “We’re not talking about God, we’re talking about you.” 

 

      Oh, please let’s not. Literally let’s talk about  _anything_ but me. Let’s go back to the man in the sky who delivers justice for the wicked. That’d be a fun topic. 

 

      “Oh, then we might as well be talking about God.” I laughed, hoping it’d cover up my racing heart. Maybe we could go play hookie, and like...not...see what was left of the school. I really did not want to explain that. (Notice how I refrain from even  _thinking_ about how badly I fuck up, lest I anger ye olden gods of justice. Was there a Greek God to calm anxiety? Hello, Patron Saint, I need you. Guardian angel, maybe? Anyone? No?) 

 

      “You and your arrogance-” Sam began, exasperated. Good. Exasperation was good. Exasperation meant he wouldn’t think straight, which means he wouldn’t smell the ever-nearing stench of burning concrete. Was there even a smell, or was I going full Tell-Tale Heart on this? (My seventh grade English teacher would be so proud, it was the only book I read in that class.)  
      “My arrogance has nothing to do with this.” Which, is true. Arrogance had truly no part to play in these order of events. Absolutely none whatsoever. 

 

      “Now. Back to the matter at hand. You had an excuse to skip class and you went and studied anyways because...why?” 

 

      That was NOT the matter at hand, but I was seriously grasping for straws at this point. Ohohoho we were screwed. If we stayed friends after this, I would never live this down.

 

      “I don’t think you realize how important finals are.” Sam shook his head, running a hand through his hair. I almost said  _well, that’s wonderful, because you won’t have to take it anymore._

 

      “And I don’t think  _you_ realize how finals, homework, and school related topics in general are really just the government suppressing human thought and creativity over the course of eighteen to thirty years!” Maybe, the dumb part of me thought, if you keep talking, eventually he’ll get on your side. Just...keep...babbling. 

 

      And try not to tell him you blew up the school while you’re at it. That’d be  _fantastic._

 

      “Look,” He said tiredly, and I nodded, pretending I was fully listening when I really was only halfway.

 

       “I really don’t care if my thought and creativity get taken over by the government. I never had a lot to begin with, and personally, I would feel way more comfortable with a bunch of old white men who already went to school and came out alive and educated-”

 

      “Are they though.” I said, not a question, remembering the burnt school and the maybe-dead FBI agents. Oh, I fucked up big this time.

 

      “- and thus have way more common sense than we ever could-” He continued, getting mildly annoyed, even more so when I interrupted  _again_  with: 

 

      “ _Do they though.”_

 

      “- rather than me and my caffeine addicted, sleep deprived, anxious soul who really doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.” He finished, turning to look at me. I was terrified. I mean, I knew I’d have to tell him eventually, but God Damn did I like this suspense. He was  _clueless._ It gave me an added burst of adrenaline. 

 

      “That’s why we need the takeover! Encourage free thought! Seriously, imagine it: ‘Teens take over the government, save younger generations from being brain dead and anxious-’” I waved a hand, grinning at him. 

 

      “That wouldn’t be the headline and you know it. It’d be more along the lines of ‘Teen Anarchist overthrows the government, causes US to collapse.’ We aren’t doing shit.” 

 

      Already did. I’m really sorry. Maybe a  _little_ bit of truth...

 

      “What’s this ‘we’? I really only need you in this to be my alibi-”

 

      “I am  _not_ your alibi.” 

 

      Well then  _fuck,_ because you were my last plan for when the officials came and dragged me in. I’m hoping that’s a  _joke,_ Sam. 

 

      “Oh hush, of course you are. You signed up for this in kindergarten.” I laughed, really struggling to breathe at this point. The school was a few blocks away. I didn’t have time to explain anything, which...kinda sucked ass.

 

      “You came up to me and said I was the one who spilled glue all over the tables. That’s not an alibi, that’s framing.” He continued, and I smiled at the memory. (Yes, Sam. Good, Sam. Distract me. That will help me before I throw up.)

 

      “Well, I came clean about it.” I mumbled, crossing my arms. The sidewalk seemed closer than usual. I was probably being watched by twenty government officials. Ooooooo I was dead. What if they got Sam? I stumbled, and Sam caught me, probably thinking my clumsy ass tripped on a rock. (A rock of realization, yes. The absolute banger of a time to experience. -10/10 would recommend.)

 

      “Yeah, after you had several other kids point out that you literally  _ran_ to me after you spilled the glue, then said ‘it was him.’ How did you even manage to  _spill_ glue if it was in bottle form and supposedly closed?” He looked at me, but I suddenly couldn’t bring myself to look at him anymore. Twelve years of friendship gets you close, but we were still teens. I shoved the MCR song that began to blast in my head, finally processing his question.

 

      “Oh, I cut it.” 

 

      “You cut the glue bottle.” He said, dumbstruck. I barked out a laugh, hoping he wouldn’t hear the strain.

  
      “Yeah.”

  
      “That’s it.” He tilted his head, crossing his arms as we stopped walking. Oh, thank God. But then he gave me the same  _are you fucking kidding me_ look he’s been doing since third grade, and I sighed. 

      “Mhm.”

  
_"That’s_  the whole ‘mystery that will never be solved’ that led to this friendship? You cut open a glue bottle?” 

 

      Oh, if that shocked you, wait until you see the burnt concrete. It looks  _amazing,_ I tell you.

 

      “Yep.”

      (I have never hated my heart more than this moment. It doesn’t know how to do its damn job all of a sudden. Like, you beat, all day. Lungs, I’m pissed at you too. Guys, calm the fuck down, before I collapse, please and thank you.)

 

      “Why? Even five year olds aren’t that du- nevermind, I take that back. My brother tried eating his own poop at five.”

  
      “Yeah dingus, I was there.” I laughed, anxiety fading as I remembered watching Max shove shit into his mouth, Sam’s mother getting very panicked as he did so. Good times. 

 

      “How’d you cut open a glue bottle anyway?” He continued, tilting his head. It almost looked like he was smelling something. 

 

      Please be roses and not melted building. Please. I have no idea how the fuck to explain my weekend to you, Sammie.

 

      “I mean I’d been cutting at it all day that day. Why reminiscing so much?” It was my turn to tilt my head, staring at him for any signs that he knew what I did this weekend. (I found none, but Sam had long mastered the poker face.) 

 

      “I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that we’ve somehow been friends for twelve years and you still haven’t changed from that little girl slicing open glue bottles to frame other classmates-” (And blowing up schools.)

 

      “I never intended to frame any other classmate but you.” The words slipped out of my mouth. At least it was a mild confession like that, and not ‘you should have seen what i did after the party this weekend.’

  
      “Wait, what?” His eyes widened with surprise, his nose crinkled the way it normally does when he gets deep into focus.

 

      “Yeah, you looked like someone I wanted to be friends with, but I didn’t know how else to talk to you aside from-”

 

      “Cutting open a glue bottle to frame me?”

 

      “Nope. See, the plan was to cut it, then frame you, then we’d have an argument, then we’d get in trouble and I’d apologize and have to ‘play nice’ with you from then on.” I look at my phone, even though I didn’t process what time it was. It didn’t matter, we didn’t have classes anymore. Isn’t that lovely? No more school stress! Now we have the FBI on my ass! Huzzah! (I’ll take my F now, please.)

 

      “Yeah, and that didn’t happen at all.” He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. We started walking again, and each footstep echoed  _fuck, fuck, fuck._

 

      “It didn’t? Hm. Can’t remember, it  _was_ twelve years ago.” I really couldn’t breathe, wondering what the fuck I could even say to him. Our friendship was practically over, because my drunk ass went to a dumb fucking party and got the school to explode. I mean, at least I didn’t kill anyone, but I’m pretty sure Sammie has his limits and a decimated government-ordained building (destroyed by your best friend) is his limit. 

 

      Here’s hoping it’s not.

 

      “I think I cut your hair.” I heard him say, thoughtfully. I looked back at him, and he was still oblivious.

  
      “Oh yeah! And then you said that if I was going to frame you, do it right.” I joked, grinning at him. He gave me a suspicious look, and I shrugged, taking a deep breath. Ah, just smell that burning building. 

 

      “That sounds suspiciously mature for a five year old.”

 

      “Ugh! You’re so unfair. I just remember you saying something about Goldfish-”

 

      “You weren’t getting my rainbow Goldfish.” He started to smile. Oh, sweet. I can cherish these last moments before he hates me forever. I tried memorizing that smile, because it was definitely the last ray of hope I’d have before I went to jail for….ever.

 

      “Yeah! That. You cut my hair and said I wasn’t going to get your rainbow Goldfish anymore.  _Then_ we got sent to the office, and worked out negotiations.” I grinned at him, and he smiled back. Then he spoke, and it chilled my heart.

 

      “Mhm. What’d you do now.”

 

      There was no way he could have known. No possible way. Absolutely none, I wasn’t  _that_ readable, was I? 

 

      “Whatever do you mean?” I asked innocently, throwing in a head tilt and wide eyes. Please don’t see the fear in them. I really couldn’t breathe now. Hopefully he wouldn’t look away where you can clearly see that where the school was Friday, it is not there today. I quickly glanced back to him as he raised a brow. 

 

      “You only bring up our childhood if you get in trouble and need me to suddenly remember all the good times we had. So, what did you do, and how much trouble are you in for it?”

 

      Oh, Sam. Oh, sweet, innocent Sam, who can see through my bullshit like a lawyer can see through a false alibi. Speaking of lawyers, I was totally going to get sued.  
      “.... Um, remember when I mentioned ‘skipping class’-”

 

      “You didn’t.” His voice dropped two decibels, and I laughed, my heart nearly stopping.

 

      “I did, remember? I said-”

 

      “I  _know_ what you said. I wasn’t saying you didn’t say that. I’m saying, ‘please tell me you didn’t skip class.’”

 

      Well, I guess now was as good a time as ever. The school was like, thirty feet ahead of us. He just needed to look behind him and our friendship would be over. 

     

      It was a nice twelve years we had.

 

      “Oh, I didn’t.”

  
      “Then what did you do?”

 

      I laughed again, running a hand through my hair. “Um, well, about that…”

 

      “What. Did. You.  _Do.”_

 

      I shut my eyes tight, unable to look at him, sighing. The words fell from my mouth, making me feel sick to my stomach.

 

 

 

     “I may have accidentally caused the school to explode.”


	2. NOT A CHAPTER BUT A LIST OF FUCKING NAMES, THOT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Chrome quit halfway I was copying this list sO AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE
> 
> \- This IS a list of angels and what they do  
> \- This is NOT a list of characters  
> \- This IS a list of basic ideas of what the angel does and whatnot  
> \- This is NOT (In the story) up to date. This is the Angel count after the Revolution in Heaven. Angels were lost along the way.  
> \- This IS a long ass list  
> \- This is NOT to be taken seriously, as it is fucking clearly a work of fiction.  
> \- This is NOT my original work (work being the list) I stole the list from the Angelicpedia website. I did not spend 300 years gathering the names of archaic ancient angels. Thank you.
> 
> FURTHERMORE the things that say "prince" do not always mean Man. I'm gonna say FUCK IT and make Girls Princes too, because frankly, that sounds fucking awesome.  
> Also, I'll go back every once in a while and devote a whole chapter to this, specifically angels that will appear in the story.  
> Thank you again and Enjoy the Crack.

A

*****

 

Abasdarhon – angel of the fifth hour of the night.

Abraxos – ancient name attributed to an angel.  
Adnachiel – angel who rules November.  
Adonael – an archangel.  
Adonai – one of seven angels of the presence, or elohim; creator.  
Aeshma – Persian archangel.  
Af – angel of light.  
Agla – angel who saved Lot and his family.  
Akriel – angel who aids those with infertility.  
Amitiel – angel of truth.  
Amriel – angel of the month of May.  
Anael – angel influencing love, passion and sexuality.  
Anapiel – angel whose name means “branch of God.”  
Anahel – angel who rules the third heaven.  
Anpiel – angel who protects birds.  
Ansiel – name of an angel known as “the constrainer.”  
Arael – variation of Uriel; prince over the people.  
Araqiel – angel with dominion over the earth.  
Araton – one of seven ruling angels over the provinces of heaven.  
Ariel – “lion of God;” angel of protection.  
Armisael – angel of the womb.  
Asariel – “whom God has bound;” rules the moon.  
Asroilu – guardian angel of the seventh heaven.  
Astanphaeus – one of the seven angels of the presence; third gate guardian.  
Asteraoth – name of an angel who thwarts power.  
Atrugiel – great prince of the seventh heaven.  
Ayil – angel of the zodiac sign Sagittarius.  
Azbogah – name of the high ranking angel of judgment.  
Azrael – archangel of death.  
Azriel – name for the angel of destruction.

B

*****

  
Balthioul – angel with the power to thwart distress.  
Baradiel – angel of hail.  
Barakiel – angel of lightning.  
Barrattiel – angel of support.  
Barbiel – angel of October.  
Bariel – ruling angel of the eleventh hour of the day.  
Barman – angel of intelligence.  
Barquiel – ruling angel of the seventh hour of the day.  
Baruchiel – angel with power over strife.  
Bath Kol – female angel of divine prophecy.  
Bazazath – archangel of the second heaven.  
Bethor – one of seven ruling angels of the province of heaven.  
Briathos – name of an angel who thwarts demons.

C

*****

  
Cahethal – seraphim angel over agriculture.  
Camael – angel name that means “he who sees God;” chief angel of powers.  
Cassiel – angel of Saturn.  
Cerviel – angel ruler of the principalities.  
Chamuel – archangel whose name means “he who seeks God.”  
Chayyliel – angel whose name means “army;” a powerful angel.  
Cochabiel – angel prince who stands before God.

D

*****

  
Dabriel – angel of the first heaven who rules over Monday.  
Dagiel – angel who has dominion over fish.  
Dalquiel – angel prince of the third heaven.  
Damabiath – angel of naval construction.  
Dardariel – ruling angel of the eleventh hour.  
Diniel – angel who protects infants.  
Domiel – angel who guards the sixth hall of the seventh heaven.  
Dubbiel – guardian angel of Persia; name means “bear-God.”  
Duma – angel prince of dreams.  
Dumah – angel of silence.

E

*****

  
Eae – angel who thwarts demons.  
Eiael – angel with dominion over the occult sciences.  
Elyon – ministering angel who brought the plague of hail upon Egypt.  
Emmanuel – angel whose name means “God with us.”  
Erathaol – one of seven great archon angels.  
Eremiel – great angel who presides over the Abyss and Hades.

G

*****

  
Gabriel – archangel whose name means “man or hero of God.”  
Gadriel – angel who rules the fifth heaven.  
Galgaliel – prince angel of the sun, like Raphael.  
Galizur – great angel who rules the second heaven.  
Gamaliel – angel who takes the elect unto heaven.  
Gazardiel – angel who supervises the east.  
Geburatiel – angel prince who guards the seventh heaven.  
Guriel – angel of the zodiac sign of Leo.  
Gzrel – angel who revokes any evil decree against another in heaven.

H

*****

  
Hadraniel – angel who stands at the second gate in heaven; “majesty of God.”  
Hadriel – guardian angel of the gates of the east wind.  
Hagith – one of the seven ruling angels of the provinces of heaven.  
Halaliel – archangel known as “the lord of karma.”  
Hamaliel – angel who rules the order of virtues.  
Hamon – a great, honored, beautiful prince angel in heaven.  
Haniel – an archangel who guards the tree of life.  
Harahel – angel who oversees libraries.  
Hasdiel – angel of benevolance.  
Hasmal – fire speaking angel of the throne of God.  
Hayliel – angel prince in the seventh heaven.  
Haziel – angel whose name means “vision of God.”  
Heman – angel leader of the heavenly choir, whose name means “trust.”  
Hermesiel – angel who leads one of the heavenly choirs.  
Hofniel – ruling angel of the bene elohim; name means “fighter of God.”

I

*****

  
Iaoel – an angel of the lord; angel of visions.  
Iaoth – archangel who has power to thwart demons.

L

*****

  
Leo – an angel who thwarts demons.  
Iofiel – archangel whose name means “beauty of God.”  
Israfil – Islamic angel whose name means “the burning one.”

J

*****

  
Jael – cherub who guards the ark of the covenant.  
Jahoel – one of the angels of the presence and chief of the seraphim.  
Jaoel – guardian angel who lives in the seventh heaven.  
Jeduthun – angel whose name means “master of howling” or chanting to God.  
Jefischa – ruling angel of the fourth hour of the night.  
Jehudiel – archangel who rules the movements of the celestial spheres.  
Jeremiel – archangel whose name means “mercy of God.”

K

*****

  
Kabshiel – angel of grace and favor.  
Kafziel – archangel who rules the planet Saturn.  
Kakabel – angel who rules over stars and constellations.  
Kalaziel – angel who has the power to thwart demons of disease.  
Karael – angel who has the power to thwart demons.  
Kemuel – archon angel and chief of the seraphim.  
Kerubiel – prince angel of the cherubim.  
Kokabiel – prince angel of the stars.  
Kutiel – angel of water and the use of diving rods.

L

*****

  
Labbiel – angel whose name was changed to Raphael.  
Lahabiel – angel who protects against evil spirits.  
Lamechial – angel who thwarts deception.  
Lassuarium – angel who rules the tenth hour of the night.  
Laylah – angel who oversees and protects childbirth.

M

*****

  
Machidiel – angel governing the zodiac sign of Aries and the month of March.  
Marmaroth – angel who has power to thwart fate.  
Mendrion – angel who rules the seventh hour of the night.  
Metatron – one of the greatest archangels, second only to God.  
Michael – great archangel whose name means “who is as God.”  
Mihr – angel of divine mercy; angel that governs September.  
Miniel – angel invoked to induce love.  
Mitatron – an angel of the third heaven.  
Morael – angel of awe that rules the months of August-September.  
Moroni – brought messages to Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism.  
Muriel – angel who rules the dominions and the month of June.

N

*****

  
Naaririel – great prince angel of the seventh heaven.  
Nahaliel – angel who governs running streams; “valley of God.”  
Nanael – angel who governs the sciences, and philosophy.  
Narcariel – angel that rules the eighth hour of the night.  
Nasargiel – good angel with a lion head that rules hell.  
Nathanael – angel ruling over hidden things, fire and vengeance.  
Naya’il – angel of testing.  
Nelchael – angel of the schemhamphorae.  
Nuriel – angel of spellbinding power and of hail storms.

O

*****

  
Och – one ruling angel of the provinces of heaven.  
Omael – angel of chemistry and species perpetuation.  
Onoel – name of an archon angel…  
Ophaniel – prince angel over the ophanim.  
Ophiel – one ruling angel of the provinces of heaven and Mercury.  
Oriel – ruling angel of the tenth hour of the day.  
Orifiel – archangel over thrones, and the second hour of the day.  
Orphamiel – angel known as the “great finger of the Father.”  
Osmadiel – ruling angel of the eighth hour of the day.  
Ouriel – archangel who commands demons.

P

*****

  
Pamyel – ruling angel of the ninth hour of night.  
Pathiel – angel whose name means “opener of God.”  
Peliel – angel who rules the virtues.  
Peniel – angel who rules Friday and resides in the third heaven.  
Pesagniyah – angel who ushers prayers of grief to heaven.  
Phaleg – one of the seven ruling angels of the provinces of heaven.  
Phanuel – archangel who is an interpreter of revelations.  
Phounebiel – disease thwarting angel.  
Phul one of the seven ruling angels of the provinces of heaven.  
Pravuil – an archangel who keeps all the records of heaven.  
Pronoia – an archon angel who helped make mankind.  
Purah – angel of forgetfulness.  
Puriel – angel whose name means “the fire of God;” angel of punishment.

Q

*****

  
Qaspiel – angel who rules the moon.  
Quabriel – ruling angel of the ninth hour of the day.

R

*****

  
Rachiel – ophanim angel who rules Venus and governs sexuality.  
Rachmiel – angel of mercy whose name also means the same.  
Radueriel – angel who can create other angels and oversees archives.  
Raguel – angel who watches over the behavior of angels; “friend of God.”  
Rahab – angel of death, destruction, but also the sea.  
Rahatiel – angel prince of the constellations; name means “to run.”  
Rahmiel – angel of mercy and love.  
Ramiel – angel who oversees visions and souls during the day of judgment.  
Raphael – great archangel whose name means “the shining one who heals.”  
Rathanael – angel of the third heaven and thwarter of demons.  
Raziel – angel chief over the thrones, guarding the secrets of the universe.  
Remiel – angel who leads souls to judgment; name means “mercy of God.”  
Rikbiel – angel who oversees the divine chariot; chief of wheels.  
Rizoel – angel with power to thwart demons.  
Rogziel – angel of punishment whose name means “the wrath of God.”  
Ruman – angel who takes account of evil men’s deeds while in hell.

S

*****

  
Sabaoth – archon angel of the presence.  
Sabathiel – angel or intelligence who communicates divine light.  
Sablo – angel of graciousness and protection.  
Sabrael – archangel who guards the first heaven.  
Sabrathan – ruling angel of the first hour of the night.  
Sachiel – ruling angel of Jupiter whose name means “covering of God.”  
Sagnessagiel – angel who guards the fourth hall of the seventh heaven.  
Sahaqiel – angel prince of the fourth heaven.  
Salathiel – rescuing angel of Adam and Eve.  
Samkiel – angel of destruction and purifier of souls from sheol.  
Samuel – fruling angel of the first hour of the day.  
Sandalphon – giant angel whose name means “co-brother” (of Metratron).  
Saniel – ruling angel of the sixth hour of the day.  
Sarakiel – angel who rules the ministering angels.  
Sarandiel – ruling angel of the twelfth hour of the night.  
Satqiel – angel prince of the fifth heaven.  
Seraphiel – chief angel of the seraphim angels.  
Shamsiel – angel whose name means “light of day.”  
Shepherd – angel of repentance.  
Shoftiel – angel whose name means “the judge of God.”  
Sidqiel – angel prince of the ophanim; ruler of Venus.  
Sidriel – angel prince of the first heaven.  
Simiel – archangel.  
Sizouze – angel of prayer.  
Sophia – angel whose name means “wisdom.”  
Soqedhozi – angel who weighs the merits of of men before God.  
Sorath – angel who is the spirit of the sun.  
Sorush – angel who punishes souls on judgment day.  
Soterasiel – angel whose name means “who stirs up the fire of God.”  
Sraosha – angel who sets the world in motion.  
Suriel – angel of healing whose name means “God’s command.”

T

*****

  
Tagas – governing angel of singing angels.  
Tartys – ruling angel of the second hour of the night.  
Tatrasiel – great angelic prince.  
Temeluch – angel caretaker who protects newborn babies and children.  
Temperance – angel of the elixir of life.  
Theliel – angel prince of love.  
Tubiel – angel of summer.  
Tzadkiel – angel of justice and guardian of the gates of the east wind.

U

*****

  
Ubaviel – angel of the zodiac sign of Capricorn.  
Umabel – angel of physics and astronomy.  
Uriel – great archangel whose name means “God is my light.”  
Usiel – an angel who stands before the throne of God.  
Uzziel – cherubim angel whose name means “strength of God.”

V

*****

  
Varhmiel – ruling angel of the fourth hour of the day.  
Vequaniel – ruling angel of the third hour of the day.  
Verchiel – ruling angel of the month of July and of the zodiac sign Leo.  
Vretiel – swift in wisdom archangel responsible for recording God’s deeds.

X

*****

  
Xathanael – the sixth angel created by God.

Y

*******

  
Yabbashael – an angel of the earth whose name means “the mainland.”  
Yefefiah – archangel who is the prince of the Torah.  
Yehudiah – benevolant angel of death.  
Yerachmiel – an archangel who rules earth.  
Yeshamiel – angel who rules the zodiac sign of Libra.  
Yofiel – angel prince of the Torah commanding 53 legions of angels.

Z

******

  
Zaapiel – angel punisher of wicked souls.  
Zaazenach – ruling angel of the sixth hour of the night.  
Zabkiel – angel who rules over the thrones.  
Zachariel – angel governor of Jupiter.  
Zachriel – angel who governs memories.  
Zadkeil – archangel who rules heaven and stands in the presence of God.  
Zagzagel – angel prince of the Torah and of wisdom.  
Zakzakiel – angel of the seventh heaven who records good deeds.  
Zaphiel – angel ruler of the cherubim.  
Zaphkiel – archangel whose name means “knowledge of God.”  
Zarall – cherub angel who guards the ark of the covenant.  
Zazriel – angel whose name means “strength of God.”  
Zehanpuryu – high ranking angel whose name means “one who sets free.”  
Zerachiel – angel of the month of July and the sun.  
Zophiel – angel whose name means “God’s spy.”  
Zuriel – angel ruler of the principalities whose name means “my rock is God.”


	3. Thank You, Come Again (Come Back Never)

"You did what." Sam’s voice was dangerously low. I laughed, the nausea only growing. Oh, shit. Mother _ fucker,  _ why couldn’t I have stayed home? 

"I swear I didn't mean to-" I started, but Sam interrupted me before I could finish. (Which, I guess was good, because I had no idea where to go from there.)

"You blew up the  _ school _ ?" His voice rose, but I motioned for him to  _ shut the fuck up  _ so that passerby didn’t hear me and thus bring my ass to jail. 

"It was an _ accident _ , Sam!" I sighed, exasperated. How could I tell my best friend that yes, it was an accident, but no, I didn’t regret a thing? Except maybe the fact that I got caught by creepy-ass FBI agents?  _ Oh, hi, Sam, yes. I did indeed blow up our high school. Don’t worry- it was an accident, but no, I won’t apologize because god DAMN it was awesome.  _ Yeah, no, like that would work. But it  _ was  _ an accident. Sam, however, who has not ever let me get away with my bullshit, gave me a look. 

"Knowing you, that's questionable." 

"I swear to God-" I groaned, before Sam cut me off with his standard defense to whenever I say shit like this:

"Bullshit, you don't even believe in God."

Damn, he got me there. I sighed, shaking my head. "Okay, fine. I swear I didn't mean to!"

"How do you even blow up a school?!" He turned to me, his green eyes still somehow incredulous. (Damn, Sam, you see the proof in front of you that I did it. How sweet that you still are waiting for me to say ‘sike!’ But yeah, no. Haha. Sorry?) I paused, replaying the scenes of the party and the explosion in my mind. How to even fucking  _ describe  _ that? 

Might as well give it a shot.

".........wicked ...party...drugs?"

"Isadora I swear to God." He looked away from me, starting to walk away. I knew he was probably thinking  _ I can’t deal with this right now.  _ Me, being...me, didn’t blame him. But I couldn’t lose him yet. Call me selfish, but…

"So you can do that, but I can't?" It was a standard response to that statement, and he stopped walking. He ran a hand through his hair, and I thought I heard him scoff under his breath. He turned around, not anger or disgust in his eyes as I had believed there would be, but concern.

“Not the point! You had  _ drugs _ ?!"

"I'm still alive, aren't I." I said defensively, but I was stunned. He was worried? About me? After I literally blew up the school? How else was I supposed to respond?  _ Oh, don’t worry Sammy, it was only designer. The possibilities of death WERE high, true, but I exploded a building instead! _

"Isadora!" I flinched when I heard how he said my full name. His green eyes were wide with concern, and I scowled at the pavement, suddenly wishing I could have blown up the town. I quickly took it back, because then what would happen to Sam? For Christ’s sake, he was still a virgin! It was my job to find him  _ someone  _ he actually was into enough! (Which, I had tried for years. He isn’t gay, isn’t straight, or bi, or  _ anything.  _ And yet he tells me he isn’t aro/ace. Yeah, Sammy, you’re full of shit. If you’re really not into anyone, at all, that’s fine, but don’t go drowning in Da Nile while you’re there. We’re quite a ways from Egypt.)

"Goddamn it, Sam, it's just a school. They'll rebuild it." I rolled my eyes, really unsure how to talk about this. I mean, it’s not like they make a manual:  _ How to Talk to Your Best Friend After You Just Blew Up Your High School. _

"Izzy! Not the point!"

I snapped, then. I didn’t mean to, I was just having a panic attack with the force of Mt.St. Helens. First the  _ school  _ goes MSH, then my  _ lungs,  _ God,  _ Life  _ was probably going to explode next! (Hahaha. Oh.. shit.) 

"Then what is the point, Sam? I fucked up? I know that already! I don't even know what happened, it just blew up!"

"It just blew up." He echoed, clearly still very much in “I Call Bullshit On You and Everything You Stand For” mode. 

"Yes."

"A school- a big school, no less, just happened to blow up." He said this slowly, keeping eye contact with me. As if I’d be all  _ Oh, haha, Sike! Let’s pull down this giant curtain to reveal the SCHOOL WAS HERE ALL ALONG! Hahaha, I sure got you, Sam!  _

I shoved the stupidly hilarious mental image out of my head. 

"That's actually literally what happened."

“ _ How?” _

Good  _ God,  _ this boy was an idiot when he was shocked. School. Over there. Blown up. Party! Dude, it’s a fucking high school gathering. What did you expect was going to happen, us ending cancer? Hell no! We’d probably invent a new plague, if we could.  __

“I told you! Drugs!” 

That’s a weak excuse on my part, I’ll be honest. 

See, what actually happened Friday night was  _ way  _ more complicated than just ‘drugs,’ but because I was on them at the time, I thought I was just crazy. Until the school blew up, I was high as a kite! (Actually, I was still high when it blew up, but damn was that an epic trip.)

 

******

 

I had my bag on my back before the bell even rang. When it did, and the flood of students desperate to escape hell were unleashed, I, too, tried running away to freedom, but got pulled aside by my homegirl Emma. Emma, who was revered as the  _ God  _ of Capila Edaven High. I didn’t even believe in the idea of a god but had to admit, Emma was definitely an old and powerful immortal of immense beauty. Emma could make straight girls go gay at the bat of an eyelash, which, during one dramatic period of her life, she had done just that. I still feel bad for Jason- Carmen left him so quickly, after three years together, that had to have left a scar. (I had hooked up with Emma myself, once. For science, you know how it goes. She’s an  _ excellent _ kisser, just mainly into dicks. I guess I can respect that, since I work the same, but I have fantasized about running away with her a couple nights a month.)

"Hey, Iz, you're coming to the party, right?" She smiled, and I kept us walking so the guys (and girls) who had paused their flight from hell to watch the angel in the hall wouldn’t suddenly kamikaze themselves to her feet, begging for a miracle- which generally included Emma and said person in question heading to the Girls Locker Room, wherein that angelic mask shatters and she becomes a succubus.  
There was a party almost every week, once you’re popular enough to get connections. Not to be prideful or anything, but if it was known that a party would include Emma or myself, the amount of people attending would skyrocket. I can’t even _begin_ to count how many drunk hormonal boys came up to us, begging for a kiss. 

"I dunno. Probably. Cute guys there?" It was a super dumb question, I just liked seeing the boys eavesdropping to inwardly panic as they wondered if they qualified as ‘cute.’ 

"When was the last time you've been to a party?" Emma laughed, brushing back a strand of her bright purple hair. 

"A week. Too long." I had missed last week’s party- and if Emma’s word was gospel, which it was, I had missed  _ too much  _ to miss out on another. Robby blew a guy in public. Truth or Dare got  _ way  _ out of hand...it must have been perfect to watch. 

"You need to come."

Emma’s voice was light, her eyes smirking. I knew that look. She wanted to have some fun with the guys, and of course, that’s not a one-player game. 

"When and where?"

"Rose’s house. 9.”

“Rose? Hell yeah I’ll be there.” Jason Rose- yes, the same Jason whose ex left him for Emma for a few years- was easily the most desirable _guy_ who technically wasn’t even on the market. He had a girlfriend- no, not Carmen, she moved to San Francisco two years ago- who was the personification of _rabid bitch._ Fun to play with, in all honesty. (Though I would never, ever, _ever_ tell Sam that. Mainly because doing so would expose that I have indeed _not_ been going to the library to study, as has been my excuse as to where I’ve been since 8th grade. It sucks I can’t talk to him about my party dramas, but he’s so Christian he hears the word ‘party’ and becomes full Puritan. Boy is an antisocial _mess.)_  
“Good. Also, he has a pool, so…”

“Way ahead of you, sister. What theme are we going for?” I had several swimsuits for different occasions. I had a super revealing red bikini; an adorable blue one piece that had never seen the light of day or night, but I was waiting to use; a homely grey thing that hadn’t seen life out of the closet since 8th grade…

“Don’t you remember Rose? He’s super into skin.”

“Ooooh, I need little miss Red..”

“Look, I don’t care what swimsuit you wear. I just don’t want to be alone. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I won’t really be alone, since there’ll be super hot guys, alcohol, and drugs, but I’d rather go with a friend than go alone.” 

“I get it, I’m going.” I rolled my eyes with a laugh.

“Is your cute friend coming?” She asked when we went down the stairs, the question literally making me stumble a few steps. Emma caught my arm and laughed when I looked at her confused (and frankly, slightly mortified. I tried not to think of Sam with any physically-enhancing adjectives. You be friends with some guy for twelve years, everyone expects you to hook up, but it’s honestly my secret fear that if we both get bored and decide to become more than friends, it will be the biggest mistake of my life. So when I’m not with him, I try not to think of him at all.)

“What- Sam? He’s- He’s not- He’s not _ cute _ …” I stammered, staring at her. Emma laughed again, shaking her head. 

“You’re blind as fuck, Isadora.”

I mean, clearly, or else I wouldn’t have skipped two stairs (a death sentence during high school dismissal times) and then be even more confused as to where the last two steps were, causing another stumble. I mean, I  _ could  _ see where she was coming from with Sam- he had that mix between ‘bad boy’ and ‘good boy,’ but in the end he was the pure embodiment of ‘looks edgy and yes, physically attractive, but literally has no sense of rebel'. He’s the type who will say ‘I’ll have your daughter home by eight,’ and then showing up at seven. Of course, that would be under the assumption that he had ever dated anyone. (Okay, fine, he had, but he always broke up with them and would never tell me why.)

I focused back on the situation at hand. I was used to guys and girls alike asking if Sam would ever attend the parties, but never Emma.   
“What? No. No. I just don’t see him like that. And no, he’s not coming. He hates parties.”

“Does he even know  _ you’re  _ going?”

Haha, good God no. He’d stop me. Which, I’m all for Sam being all that’s left of my moral compass, but I couldn’t let him interfere with stuff like _this._ Besides, he _does_ hate parties- why bother even saying the word around him?   
“Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he?”

“Mhm. Sure. Whatever. I’ll see you soon.” Emma turned and walked down towards where her car was parked, while I followed down a different hall so I could finally get out of there- straight home, walking with Sam, having another good night out to celebrate the weekend.

I never should have gone.

 

****** 

The party was  _ loud.  _

Of course, I fucking  _ loved  _ it.

It was the representation of “regret.” There were boys stumbling over me, Emma laughing as they tried to get their hands on us. They never did anything bad- nobody would. Emma and I were the Queens of the high school. Our word was gospel. 

I got high pretty early on, so my memory is a bit of a blur. 

I remember about halfway through, we decided to go to the school- after all, if we blew up the pipes, they’d have to cancel. It was a genius idea. So of course, we went. 

It was dark as hell, I remember that. And something felt  _ off.  _

I got separated from the group, faintly hearing their voices as I walked down the hallways. Something gave me the chills, and as I walked further down the halls, it only grew. 

Before I could take another step, something hurled itself at me and tackled me to the floor. I opened my mouth to scream, whatever high I was on quickly crashing down. I didn’t even know that’s how that worked. A hand clamped down on my mouth, and I saw two white glowing eyes. 

Okay, maybe I was still high. 

Because I swear to God, those eyes were glowing, and in them was something that made every nerve light up in pain. 

“There you are,” It hissed, the pain growing. I couldn’t scream. Nobody was around. For the first time in my life, the fear of something  _ using  _ me, and me having no control, was present and strong. 

I tried struggling, but quickly had to stop. Things were turning white.

I heard the group, heard them sounding panicked, and I thought,  _ Oh, God, they’re gonna kill us.  _

But then I heard the doors slam, and part of me relaxed. The party was safe, at least. 

But now I was alone with Mr. Crazy Glowing Eyes. And he did  _ not  _ look happy. Which, I guess was good, since if he was so disgusted with me he wouldn’t want to rape me, right?

It was a horrible thought, but fear had taken me over- that, and the motherfucking high- I almost started praying. 

“Lock it up,” He snarled, getting up. It was as if he knew I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even speak. He looked like a goddamn FBI agent, just without the dark black glasses. Another one nearby had something that looked like a taser, though the electricity seemed too much like fire for it to actually be one. 

I stared at it, my heart nearly breaking my chest. 

He lunged at me, with no hesitation, and I got a good taste of what that ‘taser’ did. 

I felt something snap in the pain, even though I could barely scream- but God, did I want to- when a loud explosion rippled around us. I got thrown backward, the sharp pain of hitting my head on the ground was nothing to the burn that was still in me. 

My vision blurred, I faintly made out the FBI guys dead on the ground, when darkness swallowed me up. 


	4. Out of Memory Lane into Nightmare Avenue

I woke up on the floor, my head buzzing and everything sore with pain. There should have been an ambulance- cops-  _ anyone.  _ After all, the school  _ exploded. _

So where was everyone? 

Shakily, I sat up, trying to process what the fuck had happened. There had been glowing eyes. Strange weapons, then an explosion. 

I would have thought I was just really high, but the proof was around me. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, but then gagging a little at the deep stench of  _ sulfur  _ that was lodged in the air. I forced myself to stand up, coughing when a cloud of smoke flew up. 

When I was able to walk, I walked home, colors just beginning to touch the sky. By Sunday morning, I honestly had moved on from it, able to convince myself that maybe it  _ hadn’t  _ been real. 

And then Monday came, and I knew that was just a lie I had told myself to keep my panic at the minimum. 

 

********

 

“Wow,” said Sam, causing me to snap out of Memory Lane. “That’s it? That’s your excuse, that you were on drugs, and so the school literally blew up on its own?”

My mouth was open before I could stop myself. 

“Well, there were also some creepy FBI guys there-”

“ _ What?”  _   
“Hush, Sam, tryna talk. Now. As I was saying, there were some FBI agents right before it happened, and I’m pretty sure they had glowing white eyes-”

“Izzy.”

“-and then another guy had some sort of weird magic taser-”

“ _ Izzy.” _

__ “And then he went towards me-” 

“Isadora, stop crying!” Sam grabbed my hand, and the touch almost instantly calmed me down. The memory of the taser was still fresh in my mind, even though I couldn’t remember exactly how much it had hurt. And my throat was really tight for some reason, and-

“Wait, did you say stop crying?” I looked at him, and wiped my cheeks- sure enough, they were wet. How long had I been crying? 

“I did.”

“Why are you not panicking about this? I blew up the  _ school-”  _

“How did you know it was you?” He interrupted, and I paused. 

“Well…” I said slowly, “It didn’t explode until after the FBI guy tased me.” 

“Time coincidence.” Sam said simply. “Now, clearly we aren’t going to school today. But…” he scratched his head, looking thoughtful. 

“How come nobody else seems to see it?”

“Huh?” I looked, and sure enough, people were just walking by it, completely oblivious to the decimated school. I stared, pretty sure  _ What the actual FUCK  _ was written all over my face. 

“Izzy.” Sam’s voice was low. “To your right. Don’t be obvious.” 

I glanced to the right, and nearly froze. 

The FBI looking men were back, staring right at us. I was suddenly very cold, my throat tightening as I remembered the taser. 

“Sammie.” I whispered. “Those are the guys. But that shouldn’t be- shouldn’t be possible, I saw them…” the memory of the burning building came back, the men crumpled on the floor. 

“I saw them get thrown back with the explosion. Nobody should have survived that-”

“You did.” 

“I fell! They were yeeted into the wall and hit their head against the brick! Who survives that?”

“Clearly, they did.” He grabbed my hand. “Come on. I don’t trust those guys. We’re going home.”

We turned around, Sam gripping my hand like a vice. I normally would have complained, but as it was, I was terrified. 

The closer we got to our houses, the more anxious I became. Something felt wrong. I mean, aside from the fact that I saw two guys get killed and then come back to life.

“Sammie.” I whispered. “Something’s wrong…” 

“I know, Izzy.” he whispered back, giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze. “I feel it too.”

After a few more moments of silence, I froze. I smelled something. 

“....Sam-”

“Fire.” He confirmed what I had been smelling, and took a roundabout way to get to our houses. 

Which, when we arrived, were cinders. I stared, vaguely seeing white bones in the foundations. Sam pulled me closer, wordless. 

His family. His mother, Max,  _ my  _ mother- 

I started laughing. Laughing, because by God was this not the funniest thing to happen to me. The school blew up?  _ I  _ blew it up? And now this? It couldn’t be real. But the longer I stayed, waiting for it to change, the more my laughter shifted to sobs. Sam pulled me along, still dangerously quiet. 

“No, wait, Sam-” I tried pulling back. “Why are you leaving? Mom’s probably under the ash, or the trucks got her out, and Max- we can’t leave Max. And Roxie, my dog, we can’t leave the dog, she’d be so worried. And your cat-”

“Izzy.” His voice was pained. I couldn’t believe it. I felt sick. 

“No, wait, Sam…” 

“Izzy.” He whispered, pulling me close. “We have to go. They’re over there.” He tilted my head so I saw the FBI bastards coming towards us. I started crying harder. 

“Oh, for  _ fuck’s  _ sake! What the hell do they want?!” I moved to reach down and pick up some brick, ready to throw it at them. 

Sam pulled it from my hand and led me away again, and I was too tired to argue. 

We checked into a hotel under different names, and flat out told the receptionist we were being followed. She nodded and led us up, telling us she’d make sure we’d be safe for the day, and the night if necessary.

I didn’t really remember much. I was too numb. Sam pulled me into his lap as we sat on the couch and ran his fingers through my hair, trying to stay strong, but I knew he was crying too. 

Mom worked from home. Dad had been gone for forever. Penny- Sam’s mom- went to work at 10 in the morning and dropped off Max at school at 8:30. 

It was 8:13 now. 

“I’m sorry.” I croaked. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t gone to the party-”

“Don’t.” He said quietly, and I shut up, exhausted from those few words. We sat in silence like that for a while, until I fell asleep. 

Sam and I had had sleepovers since the dawn of time. When Mom and I moved, and I discovered he was my next door neighbor, I was overjoyed. My mother had read some sort of study that said you’re really not likely to have any kind of non-platonic relations with someone if you knew them before age 6, so even after puberty we were allowed to dospend the night. It never felt weird. Of course, with schoolwork and all, we hadn’t been able to spend the night in the last three years. 

This time, it was different. For starters, we were in a hotel room, not mine or Sam's room. 

             Next, the dream I had was too weird for me to consider this a "normal" sleepover. 

             When I woke up, I only knew Sam was there, both dreamwise and physically. 

             We stayed in that hotel for almost a week, never really processing that we were all we had left. After we had been there for a week, I woke up in the middle of the night to see glowing white eyes staring into me. I screamed, and it disappeared- and, a sobbing mess, I got Sam to check us into a different hotel. 

     "Okay," he said, sitting me down. "What's wrong? Why did you scream?"

     "The...the eyes…" I began, shaking. "It was the same eyes from the party…"

Sam nodded sadly, holding me close to his chest. If heard his heart pound, and the exhaustion from earlier came creeping back. It was one in the morning. 

Closing my eyes, i fell into something similar to a dream, but not quite.

 


	5. Out of Memory Lane into Nightmare Avenue Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who lived, bitches
> 
>  
> 
> tis I
> 
> the bastard child of god

The castle was  _ huge.  _

I had never seen so something so glamorous before- and part of me instantly hated it. This seemed  _ exactly  _ the place that would be the “Preppy Fancy Bitches” headquarters. 

“Go in,” I heard a man say behind me. 

It was the type of voice that made an angry fire rage inside me. It was commanding, controlling. 

And I was  _ not  _ about to take orders from a dream. 

“Or what?” I shot back, turning to face him- but I only saw myself. 

She- me? I?- scowled. 

“Go in.”

It was still the man’s voice, and I narrowed my eyes. My reflection echoed. 

“No.”

“It’s time to go home.” He snarled, and I moved to take a step back, but I was rooted to the spot. Fear surrounded me, but I knew it was all bullshit. 

Normally, when I was aware of dreaming, I could force myself awake. 

My reflection- or whatever the fuck this thing was- grinned. 

“You can’t leave. You’re going home.”

I looked at the castle, but it was up in flames. I was hearing screams. None of them had any real effect on me- until I heard Sam among them. His rose out louder than the rest.

I heard it from  _ outside _ , and it was so pained I was pulled back and shot up in the hotel bed. 

“Sam?!”

“Izzy?” he mumbled, looking up groggily from the other bed. “You okay?”

“I-” I caught my breath, looking around. The room was dark, and there didn’t seem to be anything wrong. 

“I heard you scream…” I manage, my throat still sore and my heart drowning out any other noise.

Sam reached over and turned on the lamp, before sitting up and smiling gently at me. 

“I’m fine, Izzy. Wanna talk about it?” 

I paused, before getting up and walking over to him. He held out his arm, and I shakily leaned into him. 

It almost felt like we were kids again. 

“There was a castle.” I whispered. “And a man- but he was me- but he was me and he talked like a man-”

“Okay, so a guy version of you.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Go on.”

I sighed, closing my eyes. “And he said it was time to come home. And- I think I lived in the castle or some shit…”

He scoffed. “You? In a castle? The only ‘princess’ thing about you is that you love looking good.”

“I mean. Yeah.” I admitted, smiling. 

“Okay, so a guy version of you, quite probably a tyrant, tried to force your rebellious self into a castle?”

“Yeah.” 

“And then you heard me scream?”

“Yeah. But like- I knew I was dreaming, and I knew you were outside of the dream, and I  _ heard _ it..”

Sam was silent for a while, but held me closer. He ran his fingers through my hair, even though they got caught on the wild curls practically every inch. 

“Remember when you cut your hair?” he asked suddenly, and I smiled a little. 

“Which time?”

“Isadora,” he laughed, “you only did it once.”

I nod, laughing a little. “Yeah. I remember.”

“You were crying. Like, really hard. Mom-” his voice cracked some. “Mom spent an hour fixing it up.”

“The curls don’t like being cut!” I protested. “And do you know how hard it is to style my hair?”

“Yeah.” he laughed, twirling a curl around his fingers. “Yeah, I know.”

“Is there a reason you’re being so nostalgic?” I looked up at him. 

“Distracting you. Is it working?”

“...Yeah.” I admitted. “It is. But I don’t think I can sleep anymore.”

“Me either. Wanna watch TV?” 

I nodded, grinning, and he switched on the TV. 

***

 

_ Soft footsteps padded down the hall, and the door opened.  _

_ “Iz? Iz, honey- oh, your hair…” _

_ The seven year old looked up at the woman, hiccuping as she clutched the scissors to her chest.  _

_ “I don’t want long hair,” she sobbed. “They keep pulling on it…”  _

_ “Oh, Iz.” Penny knelt down, brushing back her hair. “Here. Hand me those scissors.” _

_ Silently, she did.  _

_ She saw Sam through the open door, and he rubbed his eyes.  _

_“Mama?” He mumbled. “Is Izzy okay?”_ _  
__“Isadora’s fine, darling.” Penny smiled. “Come here. She needs emotional support.”_

_ Sam crept in, sitting on the toilet seat and looking at the locks of black curls on the floor. He looked devastated.  _

_ “Why’d you cut your hair?” _

_ Izzy stayed on the floor, crying a little.  _

_ “The other kids were mean to her,” Penny explained, brushing her hair with a wet brush. Sam was silent for a while.  _

_ “Why didn’t you beat them up?” _

_ “Samuel.” Penny stopped brushing to give her son a sharp look. “Don’t do that. We don’t encourage violence in this household.” _

_ He looked down, frowning. _

_ “Sorry.” He paused. “I thought it was pretty. Your hair.” _

_ “We also don’t judge on appearances. She’s still pretty with short hair.” _

_ “I don’t wanna be pretty!” Izzy burst. “I don’t wanna be pretty! It’s stupid! I hate it!” _

_ “What do you wanna be?” Sam asked.  _

_ Izzy was silent for some time. Penny continued dampening the brush and brushing through new curled tangles every time.  _

_ Finally, the small girl said, “I wanna be strong.” _

_ “Then I’ll be strong too!” Sam beamed, going to sit next to her.  _

_ “And we’ll be strong together.” He hugged her, wrapping his blanket around her shoulders. “Like the superheroes we read about!” _


End file.
